


all we see is sky

by PeculiarHeadphones



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cuddling, Fluff, Like, M/M, Pining, a lot of crying, a tiny bit of internalized homophobia if you squint, alana and zoe are lowkey protective moms, but its gayer and evan zoe and alana make up sooner, i watched the bootleg again and i literally cannot stop crying, jared realizes how big of a dick he is, jareds been gay for evan since forever, takes place sort of in canon i guess, theyre probs ooc, this was the only way to deal with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 20:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10839078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeculiarHeadphones/pseuds/PeculiarHeadphones
Summary: jared realizes how much hes hurt evan, realizes how he was never there for evan, and most importantly, comes to terms with how gay he is for evan.





	all we see is sky

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since Evan Hansen had last spoken to him. Granted, he had yelled at him for using him in the whole Connor ordeal, but he had cooled off the next day. He had expected that Evan would be desperately trying to apologize. But no, it was radio silence. He was tempted to actually approach him, but he was too prideful for that. He figured that Evan wasn’t talking to anyone really.

Jared figured wrong. He walked into the cafeteria to see Alana, Zoe, and him all joking, laughing, talking with each other. When did that happen? Weren’t they both like, extremely pissed at him? Obviously not, as Jared was observing right now. He walked over to his usual table, where all of his, friends(?) sat. As usual, he didn’t engage with them very often. Giving only the occasional nod and fake laugh.

It seemed as if the three were joined at the hip, the only time they weren’t next to each other was when they had different classes or when Alana had some extracurricular thing going on. It was honestly beginning to get on Jared’s nerves. What was he missing? Didn’t they practically have a bonding moment over how pissed they were at Evan? He had the next period with Alana, so he could ask then.

World history seemed to drag on the rest of the period, and every once and awhile he would see Zoe and Evan pass in the hallways running errands or something like that. He would occasionally zone out until the teacher yelled at him for not paying attention. Finally, the bell rang, and Jared hurried as best he could to math.

Of course, no one in their right mind ever looks forward to math class, not even when it’s the second to last class of the day. But Jared was confused, and whenever that happened it felt like an itch he couldn’t scratch until he figured out what the hell was going on. Even better, he sat next to Alana, so he wouldn’t have to risk tossing notes. Alana took her seat next to Jared, and he turned to face her.

“Okay, I gotta ask. When did you and Evan become friends, or, acquaintances or whatever again?” Jared inquired. Alana gave him a confused look.

“We reconciled about a week and a half ago. Are you just now noticing?” Alana answered.

“Yeah, actually. Why though?”

“Well, Zoe and I both agreed that though Evan did lie, a lot of good did come from it. The Conner Project has been doing a lot of work lately and the positive response looks good on a college application. Of course we were upset that he lied, but we all have our faults, and he meant no harm by it. Of course that does not excuse his actions, but he’s working to be a better person. He approached us a few days later stating his regret and we decided to forgive him.”

“Wait,  _ he _ approached you guys?”

“Yes. Why? Has he not spoken to you as of late? I knew we spoke to him about it, but...”

Jared didn’t to the rest of what Alana was saying. He had never payed attention in math before(did anyone ever actually pay attention aside from Alana?), but usually he would just stare off into space. Now his thoughts were swarming. Why hadn’t Evan talked to him? Maybe apologizing to him took more courage than the girls? This meant he would actually have to go seek Evan out and confront him about this. He was literally snapped out of his thoughts when the teacher began snapping his fingers in front of his face. His head shot up and did a quick look around. The class giggled as the teacher went back to his lesson. Jared sighed, he didn’t have the next class with Evan, so he had to wait until after school to talk to him. Hopefully he would be able to trap him at his locker.

Math and Language Arts seemed to take forever, but after what felt like a million years, the final bell rang, and Jared rushed to his locker. He quickly grabbed his bag and shoved his books in, then had to fight the crowd to make his way to Evan’s locker. Thankfully, he had gotten there at the same time as Jared. Evan looked at him like he was a deer in the headlights. Jared didn’t actually think this through, he was unsure of what to say, so he said the first thing that came to his mind.

“So you’ll talk to them but not me?” he regretted it almost instantly, Evan looked like he was on the verge of crying. Jared made an attempt to correct himself.

“I uh, I mean, you’ve been talking to Zoe and Alana a lot lately and not me and Alana said that you had apologized to them so I just figured that you were like, uh, avoiding me, or something.”

Evan’s expression seemed to calm down a bit, but then it hardened.

“I was.”

Evan turned to open his locker, twisting in his combination.

“Wait, wait what?” Jared was even more confused than before.

“W-well, I originally was going to apologize to you after I apologized to the girls, but they pointed out some stuff and then I realized they were right, so I didn’t.” Evan’s voice seemed to quiver.

“Hang on, why would they talk you out of it? This doesn’t make any sense.”

“I mean, I’ve always known that you don’t actually care, so not apologizing to you would just bring your ego down a little, but you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. And then Zoe and Alana pointed out all of the times that you stressed that we weren’t actually friends, and how you were only nice to me so your parents would pay your car insurance and-”

Evan rattled on about how shitty of a person Jared was to him, his voice slowly breaking down, and Jared could only stand there dumbfounded. Evan was completely right, he had never once actually been nice to Evan. He had used Evan just like he used him. He grabbed Evan by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. Evan was tearing up and tried to search for something else to say.

“Evan, your mom’s at work, right? Come with me.” Jared spoke, doing his best to keep his composure, Evan only nodded and grabbed his bag from his locker. Jared grabbed his wrist and guided him to his car.

The car ride was silent, Jared kept on looking over to Evan, who was gazing out the window. He could tell he was crying, but had no clue what to say. He felt an aching tug in his chest. 

Once Evan realized they were at the orchard, he turned to face Jared, his cheeks tearstained. Jared didn’t say anything, just got out of the car and gestured for Evan to follow him. It was a nice day, a tiny breeze blowing through the open field. Jared found a nice area in the middle and sat down. He patted the spot next to him, and Evan hesitantly sat down. Jared was unsure of what to say. As he looked around at the trees surrounding the field, he recalled a conversation he had heard between his parents and Evan’s mom. He glanced over to Evan, who was hugging his knees.

“You….you didn’t fall, did you? When you broke your arm?” he asked cautiously. Evan didn’t acknowledge it, but he had definitely heard him.

“You let go, didn’t you?” he specified, and Evan broke down. He buried his face in his knees and sobbed. Jared would admit, there were about a thousand different ways he could’ve approached that better. He scooted closer to the crying boy and wrapped his arm around him. His hand ran through his hair. He had never knew how  _ soft _ Evan’s hair was.

Evan proceeded to cry for about five minutes. Jared didn’t know what to say, how to comfort him. All he knew is that he wanted to cry too. He rested his head on Evan’s shoulder.

“You know, I’m glad that you survived the fall. I really am.” Jared said, just loudly enough for Evan to hear. Evan sniffed and chuckled through his sobs.

“Sure you are.”

“I am, I really am.” he twisted a lock of hair around in his fingers as Evan continued crying.

Eventually, Evan’s crying had ceased. Both of them were now laying on their back, watching as the clouds rolled by. Excepts for the wind whistling in the trees, everything was quiet. Jared let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He had to say something.

“You remember when I first started calling you a family friend?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, it was like, almost immediately after we met.” Evan answered quietly.

“At the time, I didn’t really understand it, why I wanted to be distant from you, what I was feeling. But I knew that I didn’t want anyone else to figure out my feelings before me. I had some kind of feeling that it would cause me a lot of grief.”

Evan turned his head to look at Jared, who was staring up at the sky.

“Of course, as I grew older, I figured it out. And then I just tried to hide it more. I figured that maybe if I could make myself hate you, I’d get over it. I didn’t. And it spiraled out of control, I can’t imagine how much I hurt you in the process. When you think about it, you probably wouldn’t have been in that shitty situation if I had just been there for you.” Jared chuckled. He could feel his eyes tear up, and he shifted his body closer to Evan’s so that their shoulders touched..

“I’ll admit, it hurt a lot to see you walk away to a better offer, even if I was a shitty person." Jared turned his head so that his eyes met Evan's. "But I am sorry that I hurt you.” Jared entwined his fingers with Evan’s, giving his hand a small squeeze. To his delight, Evan squeezed back. 

He saw that tears had begun to well up in Evan’s eyes. He leaned his head over and gently kissed the top of his forehead. Evan’s hand began to tremble ever so slightly as Jared pulled away. Silence once again enveloped the area around them. This time, it was Evan who broke it.

“I’m sorry too.” Jared smiled, and gave Evan’s hand another squeeze.

“S-so are we, er, d-dating now?” Evan inquired shyly. Jared suppressed a laugh.

“I would think so. I mean, if you want to.”

Evan nodded, smiling a bit. They turned onto their sides. Evan buried his head underneath Jared’s chin, his hands slightly gripping onto the other’s shirt. Jared wrapped his arms around Evan, and kissed the top of his head, inhaling the scent of his hair. It smelled of pine, or maybe cedar, he couldn’t tell. His new boyfriend truly was a nerd.

They wished they could stay like that for forever, just letting the world pass by, and they could be alright. But eventually the sky grew dark, and they made their way back to the car. Jared called his parents to let them know he would be staying over at Evan’s that night.

And all was well in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this to hold you guys over bc im writing a series for tree bros but i dont wanna post it until its all finished, so itll take awhile probs. and theres not enough kleinsan in the world, so if i get sad enough i might just write smut bc thats all i wanna write these days????? why even???
> 
> also if theres anything that looks off or any typos/errors/stuff like that feel free to let me know. also know that if you comment i will literally cry.
> 
> anyways im also starting a club called "dear evan hansen makes me sob uncontrollably at random times of the day" so if you wanna join my tumblr is peculiar-headphones. come scream at me abt this fuckign musical hell we are all trapped in


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